DISQUS

Kermo · 1 year ago

Yep, I found your site through Salon, and I've sent the link to anyone who will listen.

I believe a lot of women have something to learn from this. We have the right to equal treatment on the books, but instead of simply asking for what we are entitled to, we feel resentful when it's not offered to us.

ldub · 1 year ago

i found it through salon, too, and passed it along - it's wonderfully written, a great adventure, and basically just plain cool. made me feel like i could ask for some things myself :)

La Roxy · 1 year ago

Thanks to both of you for reading and spreading the word!

In a business/professional context, I think you're right, and this cycle of entitlement/resentment comes with its own set of complexities. It works both ways, that is: Women may think they should get equal treatment, and when they don't one conclusion is that they're *not* entitled, don't deserve it, their performance is inferior. Rather than the only failure was silence, inertia, complicity. It's a downward spiral.

The system, of course, should change on both counts ways: Women should speak up since -- well, why not? -- and for the time being, good managers could tune in and help shy employees be more vocal about their needs. But I do think the onus is on women, not managers, to claim that right.

And in a personal context, how often have I sent my boyfriend or friends/family silent 'signals' or projected my hope they would magically sense I was or wasn't in the mood to party or have guests or whatever. Seriously. Finally, he coined this refrain when he thinks I'm up to such tricks: "I'm not a mind reader." Works like a charm.

And ldub, go for it! it gets easier every time, as long as you decide you have nothing to lose by asking and/or more to lose by keeping quiet.